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LiBsTeR
 Posted:
Thu May 24, 2007 10:16 pm |
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Realistic expectations and education for teens
Everyone knows substance abuse is a common problem among teens and young adults. How should it be dealt with? What kind of communication should there be between adults and kids? I think education should be based on realistic expectations. There is no way to actually eliminate teen drinking, or drug use, or sex. But there is a way to teach teens safety tips that might save them in a dangerous situation. Thoughts?
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Joined: 11 Jan 2007
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| pax
Posted:
Thu May 24, 2007 11:16 pm |
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Complete prohibition or abstinence is an unrealistic expectation. If you look at Western Europe, kids drink around family. But when they get older there is not so much binge drinking. Not treating it like it's completely forbidden, that's a start.
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| LiBsTeR
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 4:22 am |
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| pax wrote: | | Complete prohibition or abstinence is an unrealistic expectation. If you look at Western Europe, kids drink around family. But when they get older there is not so much binge drinking. Not treating it like it's completely forbidden, that's a start. |
Until the laws change though that isn't a good option. What message do you send if you allow them to break the law? (And other than drinking only at home they will probably get caught by the cops at some point before they are 21). Now to be fair I know some very talented binge drinkers from Europe. In fact they can drink the most of anyone I know. I always attributed this to them having been able to drink for several years already and therefore having more experience with it. In the US I think it is glamorous because of its taboo though. How to get around that?
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Joined: 11 Jan 2007
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| wvgirl
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 12:41 pm |
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Around here crystal meth and oxycontin (hillbilly heroine) is just getting worse and worse. While I worked at an outpatient substance abuse facility, it amazed me who was coming there for treatment. Sadly, it was not because they wanted help, but because it was court ordered. And as far as the kids abusing it, it was not who you would expect it from. It is our doctors/lawyers/judges children abusing the most. And those are the ones who seem to get by with it without any legal reprecussions. I have had my own battle with 2 outa 3 of my teens smoking pot/underage drinking. And as soon as my youngest turned 18 she was outa here because she didn't like my rules. And actually, looking back, I was too lenient. I let things go to easily, telling myself a lil weed never hurt anyone  I learned the hard way that just because marijuana was as far as I ever went, and it was not the gateway drug for me, that didn't apply to my baby. She dabbled in a lot of snorting pills, smoking crack, etc... And now she's gone where she has no rules and is doing God only knows what. She has cut all ties to me. I have a lot of guilt because of what I let go one. But, my son (22 yo) finally seen what drugs were doing to his life and is now back on track. I read statingmyopinions post last night and it was everything I wish I had been strong/smart enough to do in raising my children. I excused myself alot because I was a single mom, working 2 jobs, and had my own addictions to deal with. I am going to bring her post over here. ( I hope she doesnt mind) but it has some of the best advice I've seen in it.)
Statingmyopinion posted May 24; 11:24 p.m.
I have raised 5 teenagers successfully. The older 3 are all college educated young men and woman. 1 is college bound this fall, another one next year..Never had a problem with any of them.....so let me see if I can share my experience.
1.) You do NOT give 18 yr old graduation trips, like an all inclusive, kids gone wild trips to a paradise island. Especially with the type of chaperone's that are considered the "cool" teachers, and will turn their heads while their charges run wild.
2.) You do NOT allow under-age drinking in your homes. PERIOD. No matter if YOU feel it's safer for kids to drink in a "home environment" rather then out on the "streets".......somewhere.
3.) You PARENT your child, YOU are NOT their friend, buddy, their pal but THEIR PARENT, and saying NO, does not make you a bad parent, it makes YOU a parent.
4.) Teaching children that they have PERSONAL responsibility and all actions/choices they make have CONSEQUENCES, and that they will be HELD to them........good or bad.
5.) Teach your child that they should not do ANYTHING, that could come BITE them in the azz when they get older.
6.) Teach your child to respect himself/herself. They will in turn RESPECT another. That you do NOT have to fall to peer pressure to be "cool". Being "cool" is standing up for what YOU believe and have been taught. Teach them morality. YES...teach your child MORALS...TEACH them right from wrong......god forbid that is LOST on parents today, who live in a "if it feels good, do it" society.....
7.) In our house, it is NOT a democracy. They are not ENTITLED to privacy in this household. TRUST is EARNED, RESPECT is EARNED, it is NOT given freely. To GIVE it, they must first EARN it. This is a dictatorship, where my husband and I are the dictators.....rules are made to be followed, and if not, they will face the consequences...Harsh to some? To bad...I haven't had a child on drugs, abuse alcohol, or end up in jail....
8.) Lead by example. The do as I say, not as I do, does NOT work in raising children. They all learn from you as parents....if you abuse alcohol, smoke, abuse drugs, lie, cheat, are abusive, chances are YOUR children will turn out the same way.....
9.) Keeping an open/honest line of communication open is the key. Teenagers would rather tell their best pals, their problems...but what they truly need is someone older and wiser...that is where the parent role comes in...keeping in "tune" with your child, KNOWING when something is bothering him/her..and let them know..w/o pushing that you are willing to listen to them, and hear what they have to say.....and that you are there to help..........
10.) Teach them what they want in life is EARNED. It is not handed to them, on a silver platter. Teach them the value of a dollar. That NOTHING in this world is FREE. If you want it bad enough, then you are going to have to do the hard work, it takes to achieve it. They want that car, well then they will have to get a job and pay for it, pay the insurance, etc. They want that new I-POD, get a job and EARN the money for it. They will appreciate it MORE if they work hard for it, then simply being HANDED it...and teach them LIFE is NOT fair....there is NO where in the rule books that say it is......good things and bad things will happen. And its what YOU do with the situations that life throws at you...that makes you a stronger person.
I can honestly say, that I am very proud of the fact, that I have amazing children...............and parenting is the hardest job anyone will ever had to do.......but the REWARDS are priceless....
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| wvgirl
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 12:43 pm |
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I also wanted to add that I didn't 'let' my kids drink at home (or anything else illegal). But by being absent so much due to work, I found later there was much going on that I was simply to tired or depressed to realize. My two older children constantly tell me what a great mom I was and that they knew I was always there for them. Hopefully the youngest will come around someday.
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| Fu-Gee-La
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 1:26 pm |
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Wow, thanks for bringing that here wvgirl.
That is a great post by SMO!
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***Deactivated: Pending Review***
Joined: 03 Apr 2006
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| pax
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 1:56 pm |
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| LiBsTeR wrote: | | pax wrote: | | Complete prohibition or abstinence is an unrealistic expectation. If you look at Western Europe, kids drink around family. But when they get older there is not so much binge drinking. Not treating it like it's completely forbidden, that's a start. |
Until the laws change though that isn't a good option. What message do you send if you allow them to break the law? (And other than drinking only at home they will probably get caught by the cops at some point before they are 21). Now to be fair I know some very talented binge drinkers from Europe. In fact they can drink the most of anyone I know. I always attributed this to them having been able to drink for several years already and therefore having more experience with it. In the US I think it is glamorous because of its taboo though. How to get around that? |
All good points, Libster.
Maybe lower the drinking age to eighteen? Maybe let younger folks drink at home with adult supervision? Ultimately it's going to come down to personal responsibility, though.
I'm not sure, just throwing out some options. These things are difficult because although it's one of those society at large problems, ultimately it boils down to each and every individual, regardless of trends and statistics.
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| pax
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 2:00 pm |
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Thanks for sharing that wvgirl.
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
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| Fu-Gee-La
Posted:
Fri May 25, 2007 2:04 pm |
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Yeah, I agree with that pax, and because Libster is correct. If parents allow their kids to drink in their home, they are allowing them to break the law- that is a mixed message. I think kids need repitition and consistency, not mixed messages from their parents.
I do think they should lower the drinking age to 18. Most kids are drinking by that age anyway, and it might take away some of the "mystery". I think it is better in some instances for kids to go through the beginnings of the "wild stage" while they are still close to home.
Prohibition doesn't work, and all a 21 YO drinking age really is - is prohibition aimed at our young. Heck you can die in Iraq, but screw giving those men and women a beer after a hard day's work. 
It presents a difficult challenge to parents b/c in all reality, the example above is a prime example of the mixed messages our governement is sending US.
Who was instrumental in getting the drinking ages raised in states before they could get funding for highways anyway? 
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***Deactivated: Pending Review***
Joined: 03 Apr 2006
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| LiBsTeR
Posted:
Wed Jun 20, 2007 4:09 pm |
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| pax wrote: | | LiBsTeR wrote: | | pax wrote: | | Complete prohibition or abstinence is an unrealistic expectation. If you look at Western Europe, kids drink around family. But when they get older there is not so much binge drinking. Not treating it like it's completely forbidden, that's a start. |
Until the laws change though that isn't a good option. What message do you send if you allow them to break the law? (And other than drinking only at home they will probably get caught by the cops at some point before they are 21). Now to be fair I know some very talented binge drinkers from Europe. In fact they can drink the most of anyone I know. I always attributed this to them having been able to drink for several years already and therefore having more experience with it. In the US I think it is glamorous because of its taboo though. How to get around that? |
All good points, Libster.
Maybe lower the drinking age to eighteen? Maybe let younger folks drink at home with adult supervision? Ultimately it's going to come down to personal responsibility, though.
I'm not sure, just throwing out some options. These things are difficult because although it's one of those society at large problems, ultimately it boils down to each and every individual, regardless of trends and statistics. |
I think lowering the age to 18 would be very, very helpful. Graduated drinking laws would be a step in the right direction, and yes I also think letting teens drink under adult supervision would help. If they are drinking with mom and dad before they go to college, it will lose some of the glamour. Nothing that parents do is "cool".
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Joined: 11 Jan 2007
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| Torti
Posted:
Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:51 pm |
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Well, we HAD graduated alcoholic beverqage consumption laws at one point--before the federal gov't insisted on raising the consumption age to 21. Most places 18 year olds could legally buy and drink 3.2 beer, even in pubs. My son could legally drink beer, Breezers, etc. (3.2% alcohol by weight, not volume) from his birthday in March when he turned 18 until Kansas agreed with the feds on July 1 by raising the drinking age to 21.
I did not see the binge, blackout and coma drinking then that I do now. Maybe we need to rethink this.
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