Parody videos, articles, etc..

[Christine]

[zed]

[Christine]

For Anita.

[zed]

[resigned]

"No, No....I'm not giving the watch back ~ my son the actor sent it to me.."

[resigned]

Dutch Blame van der Sloot For World Cup Loss





(CAP) - Still smarting from their recent World Cup loss to Spain, the Royal Netherlands Football Association (Koninklijke Nederlandse Voetbalbond) issued a statement today pinning the blame for their finals loss squarely on the shoulders of accused double murderer Joran van der Sloot.

According to Netherlands head coach Bert van Marwijk, van der Sloot was considered a "football prodigy," identified as early as the age of three as the future of football for that country. van Marwijk said it was Joran's prowess on the field that prompted the team to send him and his family to Aruba to allow him the opportunity to practice year-round.



"Our hope was that he would flower into the world's greatest striker," van Marwijk said through a translator. "We did not for a moment, however, consider that he would instead become the world's most infamous murderer since O.J. Simpson and Michael Jackson."

Officials at the International School of Aruba with whom CAP News spoke remembered Joran as quite the football player and very competitive. Teacher Patrica de Neve recalled times when Joran would be playing at recess and if a game wasn't going his way, he would simply punch the other children out.

"Not just push them aside or knock them down, mind you," said de Neve. "I'm talking rock 'em sock 'em, sleep till next week, lights the frick out style.

"I'm pretty sure he could have been a great footballer, but I definitely know he'd be awesome in a role that involves inflicting extreme violence on others," added de Neve. "We actually put that on his report card when he was 11. If only there was a job that allowed him to take advantage of that skill set."

The overwhelming feeling in the Dutch football community is that by focusing on things like clubbing, gambling, and killing young women instead of playing, van der Sloot has set the national program back at least 30 years.

"He would have been the most amazing player the world has ever seen," said Giovanni van Bronckhorst. "I saw him play in a club tournament once - he was only eight years old, but he was playing with boys in their late teens. I was like, Holy Schnibblets! This kid is going places! But he just never took it seriously.

"While the rest of us were out working our asses off, Joran was just goofing off," van Bronckhorst added. "Goofing off and killing people, I guess, but mostly just goofing off."

The Netherlands holds the record for most appearances in World Cup finals without a win, and the curse of Joran has left that nation's football players with a bad taste in their mouths.

"With Joran, we would have become the Yankees, but without him we're the Cubs," said Dutch forward Dirk Kuyt. "And now he's off in some swanky South American country-club prison, and we're stuck here with the shame of being losers.

"I swear to God, if I ever see him again, I'm really going to let him know how disappointed I am in him," added Kuyt. "For the football stuff, of course. The other stuff, eh - who really cares?"


http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=201007007

[Cochi]

that was funny!

[Christine]

"No, No....I'm not giving the watch back ~ my son the actor sent it to me.."

I hear you.....My daughter the Event Planner, gave me plenty of stuff that I intend to keep......"

[resigned]

[Christine]

[resigned]

Joran van der Sloot on Levi Johnston: "I Coulda Been Him!"

Written by Morse

Monday, 19 July 2010



Peruvian Inmates Wait in Court Yard to Welcome van der Sloot from Max Security!

Incarcerated sociopath, con man and accused murderer Joran van der Sloot was said to have gone round the bend today in his Peruvian Jail when he heard that protege and Pen pal Levi Johnston was about to score big with surprise marriage to Bristol Palin and his own reality show.

According to Joran's minders, he had been corresponding quite regularly with Johnston, as well as Amanda Knox, and most surprisingly, with Bristol Palin as well, from his high security cell in Peru where he recently won the prestigious distinction of being named ' Immaculada Concepcion' Carnival Queen.

A block mate on the same cell tier said Joran kept the details of his correspondence secret, but did confide that neither Levi or Bristol knew he was corresponding with the other.

According to censors at the jail administration offices, Levi was offering support in return for dating tips and insights on how to live like a king without working. There was also some veiled references to committing the perfect crime where a body would never be found.

Bristol on the other hand said she was fascinated with his worldly travel experiences and asked if he would ever consider visiting Alaska when
'he finally got out" even if she was a single grandmother with 10 children and 25 grandchildren.

Apparently correspondence has ceased after Levi & Bristol announced their wedding plans, the same day they discussed the new reality show created just for them by Levi's new mentor and business manager, Jon Gosselin.

According to sources close to the show, Bristol has yet to have an agent, but has had feelers from Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael , and the husband and wife team of Christopher and Patricia Culkin, parents of their estranged child actor son, Macaulay.

Further information alleges that prior to the wedding announcement, van der Sloot was within a pubic hair from being granted a presidential pardon on behalf of Obama, as part of a plan to repatriate him to the US and hook him up with Bristol to insure that Sarah would not challenge him in 2012, and give him a leg up in the upcoming midterm elections.

Joran is said to be so distraught after he came so close to escaping justice once again, that he may wind up allowing a final interview with Larry King
before he is turned out to the general population.

"I don't want to die with the world thinking I'm a bad person, ' said Joran, tearfully. "My mother and father abused me as a child, gave me too much money, no responsibility, and then all those horny bitches kept pestering me for sex.....It's not my fault...can't anybody see that?"

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... 79126#this

[resigned]

Van der Sloot Goes Mental When He Finds Out Natalee Holloway
Might Be Alive & "Friends" with Levi Johnston On Chat Site!

Written by Morse
Tuesday, 20 July 2010


Authorities Search to Find Out if Natalee is Really On Levi Johnston's 'Friends' Page!

As if it couldn't get any worse for incarcerated Peruvian Jail Queen Joran van der Sloot, today he found out from sadistic guards that there is a good chance that Natalie Holloway is alive and well living in Thailand!

On a thread from 'Pattaya Girls Gone Wild & For Hire', unless it is a cruel hoax, it appears that Natalee, missing for over 5 years and feared a victim of foul play during a spring break get away in Aruba when she hooked up with Joran, may have survived being sold as a sex slave, as alleged by Joran during one of his many US TV interviews, and is enjoying her new life style in Thailand.

The clip on the international chat site "Friends of My Fanny" appear to show a smiling, tanned Natalee on a sun drenched beach in Pattaya.

The clip emerged early today after an internet investigative team from The Spoof.com got access to Levi Johnston's private "friends" page on the site, and discovered several such clips of what looks like Natalee corresponding with Levi, father of Bristol Palin's 18 month old son.

In the clips, where the sound is garbled, it appears that Natalee is urging Levi to visit her in Thailand, apparently in response to his recent appearance in Playgirl Magazine , a copy of which she holds up and points to his 'wee winkie', and then points to the sign advertising the Pattaya Nude Beach she is sunning herself on.

Despite varying stories from Joran, law enforcement officials have long thought that Natalee had died at his hands after a night of drinking and taking drugs, and her body had either been buried, or cast off into the sea.

Joran, now jailed in Peru for the killing a a girl in his hotel room, appears to be at the end of his rope as he is wanted in the US for extortion against the parents of Natalee, and also in Thailand for questioning about his participation as a middle man in a 'sex slave' ring. Authorities feel that he was the bait that lured unsuspecting young girls into being abducted after being convinced they could move into 'big time modeling.'

Authorities in the US are trying to interview Johnston concerning what he knows about the person on his list of friends that looks just like Natalee, but his manager, Jon Gosselin, said that he is pretty involved in wedding rehearsals and memorizing the script for the new reality show with Bristol named "Dumber Than Dirt", which might be the lead in for "Hairball" with
Chris Matthews on CNBC or "Dirt Bag" with Keith Olberman if he comes
back from vacation in Caracas.

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... 79201#this

[Christine]

H i l a r i o u s

[resigned]

[resigned]

Shetland Sex Tourist Business in Tatters
as Conspiracy Sends Visitors to Isle of Wight Instead!

Written by Morse
Wednesday, 21 July 2010




Was Joran van der Sloot the last person to see these Shetland Sex Workers alive?


Tourist ministers are considering a Restraint of Trade injunction against certain satire writers after a concerted conspiracy has been alleged of a Public Relations Campaign to divert badly needed Tourist Dollars to the Isle of Wight from the Shetlands.

In Lerwick today, council head Swen Petersen, said investigations have revealed that for the past two weeks there has been a 'horrific' cyber attack launched from Britain, and as far away as Canada, to direct tourists who usually come for annual 'sex holidays' to take their trade to the Isle of Wight where one jaded vacationeer from Amsterdam was heard to exclaim, "Well, F****k me, Mate, there's nothing here worth shagging....what a rip off! LyingBASTARDS!"

Further complicating the issue is the new EU Directive stating that since January 1, 2010 all Shetland Sheep must be fitted with an Electronic Identification Device (EID) under threat of severe penalty.

According to the the EU minister involved, Sir Iam Shepherd, the directive is in direct response to the recent shocking discovery that over a score of sheep have gone missing and it is feared that they were abducted and forced into some type of sex slavery scheme in the Middle East, as well as Pattaya, Thailand.

Officers from Scotland Yard and Interpol have confirmed that there is a definite link between a visit last year by Joran van der Sloot, and at least
15 young sheep gone missing, mostly within jogging distance of Lerwick, as they continue their investigation into evidence tying the sociopath, now jailed for murder in Peru, with the sex scheme.

Police theory is the sheep were lured to an out of the way field with the prospect of 'treats', drugged, and then during the dark of night shipped off from Victoria pier in 'slave ships' disguised as sardine fisherman from Oslo.

Van der Sloot has been described as 'very persuasive', and has been positively identified as being the last person seen with several of the missing sheep, including family pets, "Boo", "Bhah" & "Stinky" owned by Duncan McWahrt, a well known sheep fancier, Shetland Tourist Guide and owner of the downtown Pub, "Ewe Ken Too!"

Since this is now an international incident gaining notoriety, it is uncertain if the courts in Brussels will be the deciding legal entity to decide the matter, or if will be decided in the old fashioned way on the Jousting Field in Glasgow.

Unemployed former PM Gordon Brown, is one of the individuals under consideration to act as mediator in order to prevent bloodshed, while others have complained his manner may just add more fuel to the already red hot fire of indignation over the abductions.

According to insiders, writers involved are said to be 'unrepentant.'

What's clear to this reporter is that rest assured, "Somebody's Goin' Get It In the End!"


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s1i79227

[Christine]

[AlwaysL8]

Shetland Sex Tourist Business in Tatters
as Conspiracy Sends Visitors to Isle of Wight Instead!

Written by Morse
Wednesday, 21 July 2010




Was Joran van der Sloot the last person to see these Shetland Sex Workers alive?


Tourist ministers are considering a Restraint of Trade injunction against certain satire writers after a concerted conspiracy has been alleged of a Public Relations Campaign to divert badly needed Tourist Dollars to the Isle of Wight from the Shetlands.

In Lerwick today, council head Swen Petersen, said investigations have revealed that for the past two weeks there has been a 'horrific' cyber attack launched from Britain, and as far away as Canada, to direct tourists who usually come for annual 'sex holidays' to take their trade to the Isle of Wight where one jaded vacationeer from Amsterdam was heard to exclaim, "Well, F****k me, Mate, there's nothing here worth shagging....what a rip off! LyingBASTARDS!"

Further complicating the issue is the new EU Directive stating that since January 1, 2010 all Shetland Sheep must be fitted with an Electronic Identification Device (EID) under threat of severe penalty.

According to the the EU minister involved, Sir Iam Shepherd, the directive is in direct response to the recent shocking discovery that over a score of sheep have gone missing and it is feared that they were abducted and forced into some type of sex slavery scheme in the Middle East, as well as Pattaya, Thailand.

Officers from Scotland Yard and Interpol have confirmed that there is a definite link between a visit last year by Joran van der Sloot, and at least
15 young sheep gone missing, mostly within jogging distance of Lerwick, as they continue their investigation into evidence tying the sociopath, now jailed for murder in Peru, with the sex scheme.

Police theory is the sheep were lured to an out of the way field with the prospect of 'treats', drugged, and then during the dark of night shipped off from Victoria pier in 'slave ships' disguised as sardine fisherman from Oslo.

Van der Sloot has been described as 'very persuasive', and has been positively identified as being the last person seen with several of the missing sheep, including family pets, "Boo", "Bhah" & "Stinky" owned by Duncan McWahrt, a well known sheep fancier, Shetland Tourist Guide and owner of the downtown Pub, "Ewe Ken Too!"

Since this is now an international incident gaining notoriety, it is uncertain if the courts in Brussels will be the deciding legal entity to decide the matter, or if will be decided in the old fashioned way on the Jousting Field in Glasgow.

Unemployed former PM Gordon Brown, is one of the individuals under consideration to act as mediator in order to prevent bloodshed, while others have complained his manner may just add more fuel to the already red hot fire of indignation over the abductions.

According to insiders, writers involved are said to be 'unrepentant.'

What's clear to this reporter is that rest assured, "Somebody's Goin' Get It In the End!"


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s1i79227

Damn him. Thank God he has been finally stopped. How many more will they find?

[Cochi]

"Ewe Ken Too!".............ha ha....that is some funny stuff.

[resigned]

Lindsay Lohan has new cell mates. Amanda Knox, OJ Simpson, and Joran Van Der Sloot play games together every evening.


Written by Basic Disaster



Number 1711-Lohan's cell has a uniformed doorman and a restricted guest list.


Things have gotten somewhat better for prisoner Lindsay Lohan as she spends her days cooped up in a lonely prison cell. To her surprise, new cellmates have arrived after a prisoner exchange with state and foreign governments was worked out by her theatrical and business agent Leonard Feldbaum.

Fortunetely for Lohan, they're as famous as she is and the added celebrity power has allowed the young actress to while away the evening hours playing scrabble and other games with the new arrivals.

Confessed murderer Joran Van Der Sloot, convicted murderess Amanda Knox, and prison gadfly OJ Simpson all arrived with-in hours of reach other.
They quickly settled in Lohan's co-ed dormitory-style cell number 1711. Lohan's agent even arranged for velvet ropes and a doorman at the cell entrance. He helped the others with luggage and will screen a list for the names of any people who visit.

The only downside to what would seem to be a pleasant way to while-away the confining hours, is Lohan's inability to spell words correctly while playing Scrabble. Her excuse to the others is, she only has to read a script, not write it.

The others in cell 1711 have difficulties as well. Joran's inability to comprehend most English words other than the easy ones like poker, fuck, sex, beg, and moan.

OJ's repeated excuses for trying to use street slang as real words! Twice, Knox has vacated a series of letters that OJ used to spell out words, like...P-o-o-n-t-a-n-g and h-o, and s-h-i-v.

Knox claims the games are just OK, but the real entertainment is when OJ does his If I Killed My Wife Nicole monologue follwed by a fancy tap dance complete with cane and top hat.

Lohan cries alot. Joran spends his spare time inventing stories.


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s4i79324

[shjoe]

LMAO@^

[Christine]

Wonky Van der Sloot

[AlwaysL8]

Lindsay Lohan has new cell mates. Amanda Knox, OJ Simpson, and Joran Van Der Sloot play games together every evening.


Written by Basic Disaster



Number 1711-Lohan's cell has a uniformed doorman and a restricted guest list.


Things have gotten somewhat better for prisoner Lindsay Lohan as she spends her days cooped up in a lonely prison cell. To her surprise, new cellmates have arrived after a prisoner exchange with state and foreign governments was worked out by her theatrical and business agent Leonard Feldbaum.

Fortunetely for Lohan, they're as famous as she is and the added celebrity power has allowed the young actress to while away the evening hours playing scrabble and other games with the new arrivals.

Confessed murderer Joran Van Der Sloot, convicted murderess Amanda Knox, and prison gadfly OJ Simpson all arrived with-in hours of reach other.
They quickly settled in Lohan's co-ed dormitory-style cell number 1711. Lohan's agent even arranged for velvet ropes and a doorman at the cell entrance. He helped the others with luggage and will screen a list for the names of any people who visit.

The only downside to what would seem to be a pleasant way to while-away the confining hours, is Lohan's inability to spell words correctly while playing Scrabble. Her excuse to the others is, she only has to read a script, not write it.

The others in cell 1711 have difficulties as well. Joran's inability to comprehend most English words other than the easy ones like poker, fuck, sex, beg, and moan.

OJ's repeated excuses for trying to use street slang as real words! Twice, Knox has vacated a series of letters that OJ used to spell out words, like...P-o-o-n-t-a-n-g and h-o, and s-h-i-v.

Knox claims the games are just OK, but the real entertainment is when OJ does his If I Killed My Wife Nicole monologue follwed by a fancy tap dance complete with cane and top hat.

Lohan cries alot. Joran spends his spare time inventing stories.


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s4i79324

Gawd, let's hope joran and Foxy Knoxy don't get married and have babies.

[resigned]

Wonky Van der Sloot

.....meet Wonky Hilton