resigned wrote:"No, No....I'm not giving the watch back ~ my son the actor sent it to me.."
resigned wrote:Shetland Sex Tourist Business in Tatters
as Conspiracy Sends Visitors to Isle of Wight Instead!
Written by Morse
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Was Joran van der Sloot the last person to see these Shetland Sex Workers alive?
Tourist ministers are considering a Restraint of Trade injunction against certain satire writers after a concerted conspiracy has been alleged of a Public Relations Campaign to divert badly needed Tourist Dollars to the Isle of Wight from the Shetlands.
In Lerwick today, council head Swen Petersen, said investigations have revealed that for the past two weeks there has been a 'horrific' cyber attack launched from Britain, and as far away as Canada, to direct tourists who usually come for annual 'sex holidays' to take their trade to the Isle of Wight where one jaded vacationeer from Amsterdam was heard to exclaim, "Well, F****k me, Mate, there's nothing here worth shagging....what a rip off! LyingBASTARDS!"
Further complicating the issue is the new EU Directive stating that since January 1, 2010 all Shetland Sheep must be fitted with an Electronic Identification Device (EID) under threat of severe penalty.
According to the the EU minister involved, Sir Iam Shepherd, the directive is in direct response to the recent shocking discovery that over a score of sheep have gone missing and it is feared that they were abducted and forced into some type of sex slavery scheme in the Middle East, as well as Pattaya, Thailand.
Officers from Scotland Yard and Interpol have confirmed that there is a definite link between a visit last year by Joran van der Sloot, and at least
15 young sheep gone missing, mostly within jogging distance of Lerwick, as they continue their investigation into evidence tying the sociopath, now jailed for murder in Peru, with the sex scheme.
Police theory is the sheep were lured to an out of the way field with the prospect of 'treats', drugged, and then during the dark of night shipped off from Victoria pier in 'slave ships' disguised as sardine fisherman from Oslo.
Van der Sloot has been described as 'very persuasive', and has been positively identified as being the last person seen with several of the missing sheep, including family pets, "Boo", "Bhah" & "Stinky" owned by Duncan McWahrt, a well known sheep fancier, Shetland Tourist Guide and owner of the downtown Pub, "Ewe Ken Too!"
Since this is now an international incident gaining notoriety, it is uncertain if the courts in Brussels will be the deciding legal entity to decide the matter, or if will be decided in the old fashioned way on the Jousting Field in Glasgow.
Unemployed former PM Gordon Brown, is one of the individuals under consideration to act as mediator in order to prevent bloodshed, while others have complained his manner may just add more fuel to the already red hot fire of indignation over the abductions.
According to insiders, writers involved are said to be 'unrepentant.'
What's clear to this reporter is that rest assured, "Somebody's Goin' Get It In the End!"
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s1i79227
resigned wrote:Lindsay Lohan has new cell mates. Amanda Knox, OJ Simpson, and Joran Van Der Sloot play games together every evening.
Written by Basic Disaster
Number 1711-Lohan's cell has a uniformed doorman and a restricted guest list.
Things have gotten somewhat better for prisoner Lindsay Lohan as she spends her days cooped up in a lonely prison cell. To her surprise, new cellmates have arrived after a prisoner exchange with state and foreign governments was worked out by her theatrical and business agent Leonard Feldbaum.
Fortunetely for Lohan, they're as famous as she is and the added celebrity power has allowed the young actress to while away the evening hours playing scrabble and other games with the new arrivals.
Confessed murderer Joran Van Der Sloot, convicted murderess Amanda Knox, and prison gadfly OJ Simpson all arrived with-in hours of reach other.
They quickly settled in Lohan's co-ed dormitory-style cell number 1711. Lohan's agent even arranged for velvet ropes and a doorman at the cell entrance. He helped the others with luggage and will screen a list for the names of any people who visit.
The only downside to what would seem to be a pleasant way to while-away the confining hours, is Lohan's inability to spell words correctly while playing Scrabble. Her excuse to the others is, she only has to read a script, not write it.
The others in cell 1711 have difficulties as well. Joran's inability to comprehend most English words other than the easy ones like poker, fuck, sex, beg, and moan.
OJ's repeated excuses for trying to use street slang as real words! Twice, Knox has vacated a series of letters that OJ used to spell out words, like...P-o-o-n-t-a-n-g and h-o, and s-h-i-v.
Knox claims the games are just OK, but the real entertainment is when OJ does his If I Killed My Wife Nicole monologue follwed by a fancy tap dance complete with cane and top hat.
Lohan cries alot. Joran spends his spare time inventing stories.
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s4i79324
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